First and last time we rate Star Wars movies

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It’s for about 32,300,001 times – according to Google search resultsrating of Star Wars movies. This means it’s a list. But it’s a list that hates the very idea of ​​lists, so it won’t take the form of a list. It also won’t force you to scroll down for the full rankings. Here it is, from best to worst: Revenge of the Sith (III) New Hope (IV) Attack of the Clones (II), Empire (AT), The Last Jedi (VIII) Hidden threat (I), Return of the Jedi (VI) The Force Awakens (VII) Rise of Skywalker (IX).

Our galaxy is a mess, and the mess is getting bigger every day. That’s why we rank things: to tidy up the little corners that we can. At the same time, we know that this is nonsense. Do you agree with this rating? Of course not. First, 9! = 362,880. Even if only 0.1 percent of them are legal, that’s a lot of deal. And arguments.

The reason for this – this list, which is not a list – is the recent success of the six-episode Obi-Wan series, set between the original trilogy and the prequels. Some of us weren’t sure what it was. to be big success; the first four episodes ran without incident, and often awkward. Then Darth Vader forcefully pulled the ship out of the air in episode 5, and by episode 6 nobody wanted it to end. Among them are two of its stars, Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen, who have not only expressed interest in returning for a second (and possibly third) season, but have been repeatedly surprised and thanked people throughout their promotional tour for people liking these characters. and the films they starred in are enough to make Obi-Wan Kenobi possibly at all.

Maybe it was real, but – guys, where have you been? The fact is that the prequel films, so famously written off in their time by a select number of weak-minded wimps, have always been considered, by literally everyone else, great. Even revolutionary. That’s the main reason this list hates lists: it’s the ritual consecrations of the dead.

Most list makers after all, pop cultural conservatives. Frightened cats masquerading as defenders of “quality” with a self-proclaimed “respect” for “history”, they believe that taking risks means standing up for the orthodox. So: 2001 this is the best sci-fi movie. Tolkien is the best fantasy writer. And for the 32 millionth time Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back This is the best Star Wars.

It? Quite possibly, with his revelations and amputations. But what if you just say it’s not? Nothing really bad happens, and maybe something very good. Suddenly you are shedding your complacency and beliefs – even if you expect to return to them, more convinced (but now at least less self-satisfied) after all.

One thing that never made sense Empire it was like this: Yoda, pure of wisdom, lies. He says that unless Luke stays in the swamps and completes his Jedi training, he is doomed to become an “agent of evil”. Ignoring this, Luke flies off to save his friends. Which, as everyone can agree, is the exact opposite of evil – an agent that Luke never, even remotely, becomes. So why did Yoda say that? To scare him? And manipulate it? It’s not very similar to the Jedi.

Or that? George Lucas’ prequel trilogy did much more than just tell the story of Vader’s rise. He also revisited the heritage of the Jedi, and therefore the legacy of the franchise itself. The famous Jedi Council turned out to be not some kind of bastion of wisdom, nobility and truth, but vicious, even corrupt: quite capable of manipulation and deceit. In a word, a colossal failure. Yoda failed Dooku just as Obi-Wan failed Anakin, and with him, the entire galaxy.

It was world-building—remaking the world—at its best. Then going back and revisiting the originals in light of the prequels meant to appreciate Luke’s Lightness, his kindness more deeply. It was now clear that the only reason he would become an agent of evil was if he listened Yoda didn’t save his friends. On some level, Luke understood the failure of the Jedi, their recourse to dogmatism and arrogant omniscience, and tried to break the mold. That’s why this list puts attack of the clones close to the top and Revenge of the Sith in itself. If a new story in a franchise deepens or expands rather than restricts or undermines your idea and enjoyment of the original, it’s worth it – and may well be considered the best.

Not that JJ Abrams understood this. When he set out to contribute to the Skywalker saga – episodes VII-IX, producing all three, directing the first and third – he didn’t look to the prequels for inspiration as he should have. I looked at the originals.

The result, some say, was a “tribute” to Lucas, a loving reenactment that introduced a new generation to the archetypal Star Wars narrative. This is bullshit. The Abrams films were, to put it bluntly, top-notch plagiarism, copy and paste made even more embarrassing by the allusion that the female lead in Ray Daisy Ridley, was all it took to legitimize the effort. So his films should appear in any rating and, of course, appear only last in this rating. The characters and plot points were so juxtaposed to their counterparts from the original story, the failure of Abrams’ imagination was so complete that the trilogy threatens to destroy the legacy of the entire franchise to this day.

Here, again, is why this list hates lists. Because as much as Abrams is to blame for the general futility of Rey’s path to the Jedi – and he really, really is to blame – lists, especially those that serve only to repeat norms, are equally, if not more so, responsible. Lazy, lame, faded, missing, such lists. Constantly maintaining the glory of antiquity, they pour out their own risk aversion, poisoning the audience with a conservatism that is fundamentally contrary to the emancipatory art of storytelling. As a result, fandoms, far from welcoming radical change, demand loyalty, loyaltyto tradition.

Over the years, some areas Star Wars fandom showed themselves to be just that: backward to the extreme and, therefore, not welcoming the transformation. In other words, not wise, noble or true, but vicious, even corrupted – the failure of people. How great this commonality is has never been completely clear. One thing is clear: they are there now, and they are holding us back.

And they are, quite likely, many of you: the audience for an article like this one. Ask yourself how Yoda once asked Luke: Why are you here? Because if this is arguing and boasting, police and hatred – what else could it be? You are already an agent of evil. Scouring Star Wars movie ratings, reading list after list after list of crap, is ultimately justifying your obsession with and nostalgia for the dying franchise: the endless hours you spent rehashing its nonsensical details. If you had friends to run to. If only you had real people to save.

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